My son is exceptionally smart. Luckily, the school he goes to has allowances for this… Not only does he go to smart kid classes, but he does extra testing in the media center for extra points towards some rewards of some kind. He gets bored with tests easily. Usually.
Today, he was telling me about a test he took that was frustrating because the question was poorly worded. It was as follows:
4) John has 10 dinner bowls. How many dogs does he have?
4
7
10
13
Well, the number of bowls does not necessarily denote the number of dogs. They could share bowls. they could have special needs or any number of other factors. But the tester obviously was looking for the number 10, so he selected it and got it right. Next question:
5)
9
100
43
Um, okay, so the question is broken. and ” ” was not the right answer. Move on:
6) Tony has 10 yo-yo’s. How many friends does he have?
4
9
18
7
My child was also frustrated at the logic of this one. But he guessed 9… 1 for Tony left 9 for 9 other friends. And he got it wrong. Unfortunately, it doesn’t give the “right” answer. I would love to know what it is. And now for the one that decidedly told my Brilliance that the test was broken:
8) 10 + ____ = 11
4
6
13
9
Yup. Broken. But that’s not what pissed him off. The final question is the “challenge” question, worth extra points, and supposedly the hardest. The question is as follows:
10) 10 – _____ = 2
4
7
8
12
And why was he upset about this one? Because he got it right. The test was not broken here, he got it right, and IT’S THE EASIEST QUESTION ON THE TEST!!!
I think my child is starting to lose faith in schools. Luckily, we have already had the talk about schools being more of an exercise in societal situations and following authority and getting the same information as everyone else, and not necessarily about challenging yourself. That part is up to you.
Then my son explained to me about how division and subtraction were so similar… that subtraction was seperating individuals from one group, and that division was about seperating one group into groups. then he and I talked about division and fractions, and by golly he got it. he understood reducing a fraction, and was able to tell me that 5 divided by 40 was 5/40 or 1/8th.
He did a few more (without paper, BTW. We were in the car at the time), and then he proclaimed “I love fractions!”
I want to keep that love of learning alive for him. And he does go to a really super good school… but I worry that the boredom will eventually hold him back. I fear that my kid isn’t dumb enough for school.
Before we got all sophisiticated and domesticated, the human race was a people of hunting and gathering. Searching for their desires… mostly food. They would use their abilities to find the tasiest and most nutritious. It’s a survival thing.
I am in the process of moving. Because of this, I have dropped pretty much every performance/comedy related thing in my life for the next couple weeks. Not the Renaissance Festival, because there is NO other place I can tell the jokes I do and get the kind of response I get…
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they swim in SCHOOLS all day.
No other audience is going to find that funny. The Ren Faire audience goes to that venue expecting to find the entertainment they’re seeking. They know that in the land of surreal, anything can happen, and that this is the place to hunt for stupid, wacky humor and entertainment.
So, instead of doing auditions, tonight I searched for boxes with my brother. We went to Kinko’s, where I had been promised that a veritable harvest of boxes would await me. But the harvest had already been collected an hour previous. We went to another Kinko’s, where boxes were out of season. I was handed one box. I’m sorry, but my library is not going to fit into one box, no matter how many games of tetris I’ve mastered. I was told they had boxes for sale, but that didn’t really fit my budget. Besides, where’s the sport in that?
I decided to go grocery shopping. Just a couple things so I could feed any helpers I get over the next couple days. At the check out line, I asked the cashier if they had any boxes. The cashier got really excited about banana boxes. He swears by them. They are the sturdiest boxes ever.
Banana boxes have giant holes in the bottom. I don’t care how sturdy they are. If they can’t actually hold anything, they’re not going to do me any good. Just put cardboard in the bottom… What’s the point of a box that I have to finish building? If I want one of those, I’ll go to Ikea.
The security officer on duty (cause I shop at the classy places) then told me that at the end of the strip mall, there was a Family Dollar store (really classy), and behind it, a dumpster full of boxes just ripe for the taking.
Taking things from a dumpster is a misdemeanor. It violates privacy and other such things. But is it really stealing if the guy who is hired to protect the property tells you to take it?
My brother and I went to the dumpster. The boxes were perfect. It’s possible my brother made spy movie sneaking music when we were getting the boxes. He may have ducked down a lot and flattened himself against the car, shifting his focus to and fro. It’s possible we were breaking the law. He grabbed a couple boxes full of boxes, and we were off, the hunt victorious and the harvest plentiful.
Over the weekend, I will again be at the Renaissance Festival, to tell stupid jokes and entertain the masses. There is a field of audience out there just ripe for the picking. And they want to be picked.
I haven’t had a lot of time, and I am sorry for how late this post is. I have been busy getting ready to move in a week. A WEEK!!! Crap. I am SO not ready.
The Renaissance Festival has started. One weekend down, six to go. The new fishmonger character is going swimmingly. Every time I turn around, I get another idea. Like life preservers. I just now thought of that. Some one get me a giant wooden dough nut and some rope.
And I am not feeling pressured into anything. Deciding to not worry about my character and just go with the flow has been the best idea I’ve ever had. My time taking improv classes at BNI have been worth it on so many levels. The improvement to my street performance has been just one.
I gave out fish eyes. I paddled through the crowds. I worked gate. I broke for parade. I sang with a lovely lady. I marshaled fights. I played with beautiful people. I vilified the hell out of that show.
No seriously. Vilification on the first weekend always kind of flounders a little. I had about a half a match of adjustment, and then, it was effin’ ON. You see this stage? This one, that you want? You can’t have it. It’s MINE bitches.
In that list, I forgot hugs. I hugged people. Always with a invitation, arms spread out, and let them come to me. I need a catch phrase to go with it, but that was a very rewarding bit.
In the above paragraphs are several fish-related expressions. See if you can find them.
But I haven’t had much time to dwell on fest. Babies have been born. Many welcomes to Kieran Patrick William, son of Angelo and Suzanne, who arrived on the stroke of midnight (00:00:00) on Wednesday, August 20th. And I am throwing a tantrum because I have not had time to meet him.
‘Cause I’m moving. In a week. Time is a funny thing. I’m not entirely certain I believe the 4th dimension is a straight line. That, or I just like folding things too often. But I had months, now weeks, and now I am down to days before moving and I am not where I wanted to be with it all. I’m fairly certain it will all happen. But there is something about time that is just plain wonky.
“The funniest thing about time is when it doesn’t. I’ll leave that hanging there for the moment, and let you age while the shadows don’t lengthen, if you see what I mean. …Now, while the Cycle doesn’t turn, and the year doesn’t fail, and the day gets neither brighter nor darker, we begin to see things with a new perspective.”
-Yendi, Steven Brust
Even though he’s barely 2 days old, Kieran has all the time in the world. He has his whole lifetime ahead of him. Is his massive amounts of time because he hasn’t had any, and so he is owed? Is it because he has so many more days ahead of him? Is it because he has no use for time? Or is it because he just doesn’t think about it?
At Fest, I have all the time in the world. Maybe it’s because I’ve decided not to worry about it. That I will simply play and be in the moment and let things happen that will happen. But in my own life, time is suddenly running out. Maybe I could go back to not worrying about it. Just letting it happen. Maybe… the less I worry, the more time I’ll have.
“I remember, especially like when I was in high school, going to see like Dawn of the Dead and it was like mayhem in the theater and you could barely even watch the movie. It was so fun.” -Rob Zombie
I have decided that if Shakespeare and Zombies had babies, SLotD would be the one that went to college for its Doctorate of Poetry in Zombie Motion off of a scholarship it earned from devising a way to turn plastic into pure cancer-curing energy, while Rob Zombie would be the one that dropped out of high school to smoke pot with philosophers discussing “Shakes and Shambles” and the conspiracy of the zombie war.
Which to I perfer? I like both. Philosophy is philosophy, whether formally educated or learned from the hard knocks of life. I am currently courting SLotD. But I fear our courtship will soon end. Come see us at U of M Rarig Center Thrust on these dates:
Sat., Aug. 2 @ 1:00 p.m Sun., Aug. 3 @ 5:30 p.m Tue., Aug. 5 @ 10:00 p.m Wed., Aug. 6 @ 7:00 p.m Sun., Aug. 10 @ 7:00 p.m
What? Only one show left? Well, only one guarenteed show left. There is a possibility of an encore show… we could take Best of Venue. It is pretty much down to SLotD or An Inconvenient Squirrel. So either we have two shows back to back on Sunday, or we have the honor of coming up really closely behind Scrimshaw Productions (that line sounds really gay). Either way, it’s a friggin win. And either way, Craig Anderson (in both productions) has plans on Sunday, August 10th at 8:30pm. Sorry, ladies. You’ll just have to wait for him at the after party.
Speaking of winning, SLotD is up on the Fringe Famous polls for three categories: Outstanding New Play, our Amy Rummenie up for Outstanding Direction, and the very prestegious Outstanding Production. http://fringefamous.podbean.com/On the same site, for their amazing Shakespeare/Zombie show bringing a lot of non-thebians to the Fringe, John Heimbuch, Amy Rummenie, and David Pisa have been inducted into the 2008 Fringe Hall of Fame (http://fringefamous.podbean.com/hall-of-fringe-fame/).
And the show is consistantly hitting the top three, if not the top, in Fringe reviews. We have 50 reviews. It’s like out fringe page just keeps getting longer. That reminds me of a date I had once. No wait. It doesn’t. Damn.
When I first heard about it, I knew I liked the concept right off the bat, and I had faith in John’s writing abilities. When I read the script, I knew it would be a fun play, even though I didn’t get cast as a zombie. When I met the cast, I knew I could depend on them. When I met the crew, I knew I would be supported. This entire run has been amazing, and I am really sad that it has to end. On top of the inside of SLotD, our audiences have been absolutely amazing. Not just in numbers, but in responsiveness. I have been attacked by people I don’t know telling me I’m a wonderful badass character (which amuses the hell out of me. All 110pds of me is intimidating. GRRR!).
I really want to end this blog on a comedic note, but I just don’t see how, with all the sadness and crazy possible awards. You, go vote. I’m going to go back to waiting for Rob Zombie to finish The Haunted World of El SuperBeasto (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0419724/). There will be some comedy in that for sure, and though it was set aside for a while, it looks like they may be able to bring it back from the dead.
A couple weeks ago, my son asked me about binary. And I explained to him about how in our counting system, when we get to 10, we go to double digits, and 100 (10×10) is when we go to three digits… and then I explained about how in binary there is only 1 and 0, and that once you got to 2, that was when it went t0 double digit. Then I counted up to 8 for him, and explained it all out, and he got it (in his words “11 is the new 3”). Then I explained how computers only understood on and off, or 1 and 0. And how programming languages got interpreted to binary. Like, to a computer, what we see as the letter A, it will recognize as a couple of 0s and 1s.
There is about a 5 minute pause in conversation.
Then my child starts up “Mama, letters and numbers are just symbols we use to tell ideas. And lets say there are a bunch of letters in a row. That makes a word which tells us an idea. and a bunch of words together are sentences, that make up an idea. And a bunch of sentences make a paragraph, and that’s an even bigger idea.” And I agreed, and asked if all ideas were the same or not. And he said “No, or we wouldn’t fight.” Then we talked about my dog analogy… that we can both picture dogs, and both be right, but have two different dogs in out heads. eventually he got bored, but he brought it up again with his father later.
Because my kid is bloody fucking BRILLIANT. He is seriously wicked smart, and he gives me joy. He is my Brilliance.
You guys, I’m really sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been Seriously busy, and just haven’t gotten around to updating.
And this one has nothing to do with me. I didn’t even type it out. It’ s just a copy and paste invite. But it’s for a hella good cause. Try to make a show if you can. I will post this weekend if you do.
————————————————————–
The Brave New Institute announces the first annual Dudley Riggs 24-hour Improv Marathon to support Gilda’s Club Twin Cities. The Improv Marathon will pull together the Twin Cities improv community in support of this fantastic cause. The non-stop fun will begin on July 12th at 10 pm and will keep audiences laughing night and day till 10 pm on July 13th at the historic Brave New Workshop theatre in Uptown Minneapolis.
The Riggs Marathon unifies the Twin Cities improv community for the first time in support of a wonderful philanthropic cause. Organizers project to raise $8,000 through the pledges of the performing teams. Audience swill not only be entertained as they endorse an admirable cause, but will also have the opportunity to experience the array of styles and techniques that Twin Cities’ improvisers have to offer.
Gilda’s Club is a non-profit organization with a mission to create welcoming communities of free support for everyone living with cancer men, women, teens and children along with their families and friends. The innovative Gildas Club program is an essential complement to medical care, providing networking and support groups, workshops, education and social activities. Founded in 1995, Gildas Club is named for Gilda Radner of Saturday Night Live fame, who passed away in 1989 of ovarian cancer. During her cancer journey she called for the need for a place that will provide the emotional and social support for people living with cancer and their loved
ones. Currently there are 21 clubhouses open in the United States and Canada, with 7 more, including the Twin Cities, in development. Gilda’s Club Twin Cities is currently raising funds towards opening the first Minnesota clubhouse in late 2009.
10-1030 Intro/Welcome – including Gilda’s Info
1030-1100 Larynx
1105-1135 Police/Cop/Detective/PI
12-1230 Chrysler Building
1235-105 Vaudville with a Pig
110-140 Stagecoach
200-245 Gilda Video
245-315 Voices in My Head
320-410 Club Squad Group Gang
430-500 Thunder Clown
505-535 Straight Up
540-610 Mime Rifle
625-655 Evil Dumpling
7-730 Feels So Good When it Stops
805-815 Gilda Video
830-9 Heidi’s Crotch
905-935 Comedy Sportz
940-1010 The Lowrollers
1210-1220 Gilda Video
1240-110 Gay/Straight Alliance
115-145 Beth/Jen/Kelly
150-220 Toaster Forks
300-415 Production Class
415-430 Intermission
430-445 Gilda Video
445-515 Age Difference
520-550 Group 21
555-625 BNW
640-725 Gilda Video
725-755 Ferrari/McSpeedy
8-830 Adorable
830-9 Dear Stalin
9-930 Freudian Slip
930-10 Sweet Box
Sometimes, I think I do it to defy social standards of what is feminine and what is masculine. I keep ending up doing things that are much more boy’s club than lady like.
I play video games (becoming less boy-related, but still has the masculine feel to it). I like super heroes. I have worked as a security officer. I work in the tech industry with my tech degree, surrounded by a sea of testosterone.
I do comedic performance.
It’s not quite as prevalent in improv as it used to be, but it’s still there. I would say 4 out of 5 well-known improv artists are men. In stand up, the numbers are more like 9 out of 10. It’s an incredibly male-dominated industry, this comedy thing.
Because men are funny. Women are pretty. Men hunt. Women gather. Men do couragous things. Women do skillful things.
I had a talk with an amazing female performer of the comedic variety. Someone I admire and respect. We are not close, but we are supportive. When I told her about stand up, she gave me a hug and said that I was braver than her. I told her that was bull. Somehow, we agreed that we both have giant balls.
Set aside the inherant sexism in saying that a brave person has balls.Women in male dominated scenes (pun intended) have to be strong. Maybe stronger. It’s a breaking of stereotypes, and that takes a lot of of hard work, talent, and courage to go up against that.
Just looking around, there are a lot of single women in male-dominated areas (author’s note– this is not a proven; no science is backing this staement beyond the author’s experience). I think a part of it is that is due to the women… If you have to be that strong, regardless of sex, you are going to need someone to match you in strength. But I also think a part of it is because of the preset conceptions of what it takes to be a woman in a man’s field.
I mean, what straight man wants to date someone with balls?
A phrase came up in conversation today between myself and several friends, most of them female.
“He got her pregnant.”
This phrase bothers me. I think that, while a pregnancy is inherantly unequal to the sexes, the getting pregnant is not. There are two parties involved in creating the state of pregnancy. It takes two to horizonal rumba, as it were.
To say a man got a woman pregnant negates the woman’s role in the getting pregnant. It’s like saying that, if the man decided that she will be gotten pregnant, there is nothing she can do about it. It reduces her to cattle. It objectifies her as breeding stock, and reduces her part of the process to mindless drone.
If she truely had no choice in the matter, she would have been raped.
Another phrase that bothers me is the concept of “safe sex.” We teach “safe sex” in 10th grade… how to use a condom, how the pill works, what it’s like to carry around a crying, puking cabbage patch doll for a week. But knowing the consequences and covering your dong and/or popping a pill does not make it “safe.” You can still get pregnant, you can still catch a disease.
It’s protection against, but not a guarentee. I am here today because birth control is not 100% effective. My son exists because birth control is not 100% effective. Maybe it’s a genentic thing. But here we are, even though our parents were having “safe sex.”
What kids learn in school is, “if you wrap the weiner, you will not have to carry around a cabbage patch doll.” What they should be learning is “Cabbage patch dolls can happen, wrapped or unwrapped, daily drugs or no. Protection does NOT equal safe, but it IS safer.” Ideally, you should not have sex unless you are willing to accept the possible consequences. If you play football, you could get a broken nose. If you have sex, you could have half of your DNA wrapped up in a little zygote.
This all boils down to responsibility for your actions. When a life altering (creating!) event takes place, it is easy to look for excuses… to say “I didn’t do it” or to remove the responsibility from your shoulders. A man can contribute to the state of a woman becoming pregnant. In fact, the state of pregnancy kind of requires it. But he does not make her pregnant. A condom can break, a pill can be ineffective, the morning after pill can be used at the wrong time… but none of these methods failing is what gets a woman pregnant.
The mutual choice to engage in an act that could lead to a pregnancy, protected or not, is what makes a woman pregnant. Allow ownership for their actions, take ownership for yours. Quit trying to excuse each other and start taking responsibility.
And the rest of us should quit promoting false phrases like “safe sex” and “he got her pregnant.”
This is where my brain goes when all the filters are stripped, all the things I have built up to be that which I want to be as opposed to who I was handed are removed… I go back to a place where the grammar that surrounded me was, well, poor.
My favorite musical is My Fair Lady. Despite the fantastical dancing and princess facade, there is a very real truth to it. People will judge you based on your speech.
I have been told that there is no way I grew up in poor. That I just thought we had no money. Trust me, whe you wake up to knife fights and gun shots, when sirens are soothing, when you can’t affor thrift store clothes and dinner is usually ramen and rice because it’s cheap, when you would go to school early to be there for your free breakfast because the cafeteria food was good, when you take showers without soap because you didn’t have any…. Yeah, honey. I grew up poor.
Sometimes, when I’m really tired, it slips out… this cutting off of ‘g’s and the extra ’s’es. When my filters are gone and I have nothing to stop the very first of my speech patterns. Like an accent from a foreign place remembered after years of speaking American.
I want to write more on this, but tonight? I gots nuthin’.
Topher usually picks up our son right before improv a go go, but with Topher working Memorial day and me and my Brilliance with BBQ plans, we rearranged stuff a bit. So my Brilliance and I met Topher at his place, bringing steaks and salad. Topher grilled, I tossed, and we had a regular old family dinner.
Then I went to Improv A Go Go. We talk about improv being the art of getting lost in the moment… You enter a different mental state, where you are hyper aware but singularly focused on the moment.. where you exist in a place without time… you have all the time in the world, but it means nothing because of the moment you are in. And you practice building scenes and heightening and performing until you don’t think about what you’re doing. You simply do it all out of reflex from this aware and focused mental state.
Instead of going to the Mill or Grumpy’s, I went back to Topher’s neighborhood and attended a bonfire hosted by one of my son’s friend’s parent. The man of the house was a fellow who reminded me of my stage fight instructor… A toughness, a caring intensely without caring kind of thing. The kind of attitude a person gets when they’ve seen too much, something scaring and overwhelming, and have learned to take joy in simpler things, cause that’s all they’ve got.
This is the beauty I find in most white trash/ghetto/impoverished communities. Who needs a $150 meal and a night at the opera when I have a 6 pack and a bonfire, and can appreciate that?
I was half way though my mojito wine cooler thing, when the Man of the House started talking about Korea. Choppers flown into rice paddies and his best man shot in front of him (he showed me a scar where the same bullet hit him in the arm). I have seen my share of horrors, things that make your average American squirm, but never to the degree of THIS.
At one point, the Man of the House told the story of how his wife tried to wake him up by the shoulder, and how she got flattened before he was even awake. Practice. Muscle memory. That hyper awareness and singular focus. Act and react.
Memorial day is a day to remember. To remember that our minds can do things, handle things that we aren’t even aware of… through training and practice and muscle memory we can enter a state of awareness that will get us through horrible things. To remember that we all have this ability, and to honor, HONOR those who have used these skills under extreme circumstances for the benefit of others. It doesn’t matter if you believe in a war or not, a battle of not… those people, human beings, are exercising and training their brains in a way you could never even dare, in ways that will affect them the rest of their lives.
I chose to train my brain in comedy and laughter. I took the easy route.
Dear Readers,
What have you trained your brain in? What are your thoughts this Memorial Day? Do you have a war story?
Also, please take a moment to meditate on those who have passed on for the benefit of something bigger than themselves.
