Hunt or Harvest?

Before we got all sophisiticated and domesticated, the human race was a people of hunting and gathering. Searching for their desires… mostly food. They would use their abilities to find the tasiest and most nutritious. It’s a survival thing.

I am in the process of moving. Because of this, I have dropped pretty much every performance/comedy related thing in my life for the next couple weeks. Not the Renaissance Festival, because there is NO other place I can tell the jokes I do and get the kind of response I get…

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they swim in SCHOOLS all day.

No other audience is going to find that funny. The Ren Faire audience goes to that venue expecting to find the entertainment they’re seeking. They know that in the land of surreal, anything can happen, and that this is the place to hunt for stupid, wacky humor and entertainment.

So, instead of doing auditions, tonight I searched for boxes with my brother. We went to Kinko’s, where I had been promised that a veritable harvest of boxes would await me. But the harvest had already been collected an hour previous. We went to another Kinko’s, where boxes were out of season. I was handed one box. I’m sorry, but my library is not going to fit into one box, no matter how many games of tetris I’ve mastered. I was told they had boxes for sale, but that didn’t really fit my budget. Besides, where’s the sport in that?

I decided to go grocery shopping. Just a couple things so I could feed any helpers I get over the next couple days. At the check out line, I asked the cashier if they had any boxes. The cashier got really excited about banana boxes. He swears by them. They are the sturdiest boxes ever.

Banana boxes have giant holes in the bottom. I don’t care how sturdy they are. If they can’t actually hold anything, they’re not going to do me any good. Just put cardboard in the bottom… What’s the point of a box that I have to finish building? If I want one of those, I’ll go to Ikea.

The security officer on duty (cause I shop at the classy places) then told me that at the end of the strip mall, there was a Family Dollar store (really classy), and behind it, a dumpster full of boxes just ripe for the taking.

Taking things from a dumpster is a misdemeanor. It violates privacy and other such things. But is it really stealing if the guy who is hired to protect the property tells you to take it?

My brother and I went to the dumpster. The boxes were perfect. It’s possible my brother made spy movie sneaking music when we were getting the boxes. He may have ducked down a lot and flattened himself against the car, shifting his focus to and fro. It’s possible we were breaking the law. He grabbed a couple boxes full of boxes, and we were off, the hunt victorious and the harvest plentiful.

Over the weekend, I will again be at the Renaissance Festival, to tell stupid jokes and entertain the masses. There is a field of audience out there just ripe for the picking. And they want to be picked.

Tags: hunting, gathering, MN+Renaissance+Festival, Ren+Faire, humor, comedy, boxes, dumpster+diving, brother, harvest, fish, moving, jokes, food, Kinko’s, security+officer

Modern Domestic

I used to say that I hate cooking. That it was not my thing, that I would never cook at all if it were possible. But now that I have half an idea of what I’m doing…

I, um, kinda like my kitchen.

I’m not saying that I’m willing to spend hours at a time in it, creating wonders to tease the senses. I will not attempt a souflette, I am not huge into how to turn an eggplant into a fountain dessert. But I like doing some cooking, and even like my food sometimes. I’d say more often than not.

I cleaned most of my kitchen tonight, and put dry goods into canisters to keep bugs out. I think this canister thing is the perfect example of my not so domestic domestic side.

First canister is minute rice. Next three are sugar, flour, and dry milk; the three ingredients you buy in bulk needed for making bread in a bread machine. The last canister is linguini noodles.

These are the basics of my cooking/baking. The bread machine nicely sums up three of them– food that I just put ingredients together and something else does all the hard work. I can still be creative, with spices ans such. The other two are basics that are quick and easy to dress up.

I’d like to have more canisters for more pastas, and maybe one for my pancake mix. I embrace my modern definition of domestic. Maybe I cheat a little hear and there, but I don’t need to start from scratch to feel accomplished. Yet. And I accept that about myself.

Next step: Roomba.

The two bottle above the stove ar Saffflower and peanut oil

Dear Readers,

How do you cheat in your domestic life? What short cuts do you use in cooking? What are the staples in your kitchen?

Tags: cooking, baking, basics, cheating, food, canisters

Cheating the baker

The bread maker is the best invention in the world. It allows people to be something they’re not with minimal effort, reaping the benefits of skills they don’t posses. It is the ultimate honest lie; I really did make this bread, but I didn’t.

I found my bread maker. It was on top of the cabinets where I keep all my appliances, so the hunt didn’t take long. Last night, I put in water, flour, sugar, salt, dry milk, butter, and yeast in my bread maker, I pushed a button, and 3 hours later, I got a loaf of bread.

It was so incredibly easy, I did it again this morning. I even got creative and added minced onion (dry) and garlic powder to it. Now I have the best bread on the planet for making toast.

And my home smells like domestic.

I think in a bit I will attempt a peanut butter bread recipe I foung in Bread Electric, a book full of bread maker recipes. If that one is successful, I am going to attempt the same recipe with chocolate added to it. It would be like a peanut butter cup, only something I could put raspberry jam on. Mmmmmm…. candy bread.

Dear Readers,

What other wacky breads should I try? What wacky breads have YOU tried? What is the best bread out ther and why? ANd how else can I cheat at being domestic?

Tags: lazy, bread, bake, cook, food, domestic, cheat, appliance