Posts Tagged ‘truth

30
May
08

Nuthin.

I gots nuthin.

This is where my brain goes when all the filters are stripped, all the things I have built up to be that which I want to be as opposed to who I was handed are removed… I go back to a place where the grammar that surrounded me was, well, poor.

My favorite musical is My Fair Lady. Despite the fantastical dancing and princess facade, there is a very real truth to it. People will judge you based on your speech.

I have been told that there is no way I grew up in poor. That I just thought we had no money. Trust me, whe you wake up to knife fights and gun shots, when sirens are soothing, when you can’t affor thrift store clothes and dinner is usually ramen and rice because it’s cheap, when you would go to school early to be there for your free breakfast because the cafeteria food was good, when you take showers without soap because you didn’t have any…. Yeah, honey. I grew up poor.

Sometimes, when I’m really tired, it slips out… this cutting off of ‘g’s and the extra ‘s’es. When my filters are gone and I have nothing to stop the very first of my speech patterns. Like an accent from a foreign place remembered after years of speaking American.

I want to write more on this, but tonight? I gots nuthin’.

19
May
08

Manipulation.

If you do not bring up an issue with me, I will not address it. Oh, I may guess that you have an issue with me… you can ignore me or talk about me behind my back… or use any number of pre-pubescent tactics to “handle me”… talk at me, around me, through me… but unless you talk TO me about it, I will not try to solve your issues with me for you.

To not deal with me directly is cowardly. I only gave birth to one baby to coddle, and I don’t really coddle him all that much.

This is of course a base standard that is subject to change according to circumstance. For me, circumstance usually involves people I care about. If your slandering me affects a friend, I may call you out on it. If your ignoring me affects how we work in a group of people, I will likely initiate a conversation. This doesn’t guarantee that I will, but I feel that disputes should only affect those doing the disputing. If you are infringing on a need of mine, I will call you out. if you are infringing on a want of mine, I will weigh pros and cons and decide how badly I want it.

To try to indirectly change a person’s behavior with these kind of tactics is manipulation. I deal very poorly with manipulation. It is not trusting, disrespectful, and objectifies those you are manipulating. It negates the value of the person you are being indirect with.

If I wanted robots for friends, I would build robots. SIde Note: build a Johny 5.

Sometimes, it makes me sad. That people feel the need to manipulate, that people will lazily accept this kind of manipulation. The affects of rumors on the unknowing or unwilling to play. I want to wipe away their insecurities, I want to show them how silly they’re being, I want to take them and turn them into another person so that I will not be so sad.

Is that manipulation?

Dear Readers,

Tell me about how you view manipulation. Am I right? Do you have a different view on manipulation? Are all social interactions inherently manipulative?

13
May
08

Expert Advice

I do not have a psychology degree. I do not have a philosophy degree. I don’t even have a 4 year degree. My degree is in Computers and it’s an AAS. It’s a tech degree, which isn’t really a degree, and it’s an associate’s degree, which is the degree people get when they don’t know where to go from there. It’s an awkward degree, a pretend degree, a confused degree. It’s the degree the other degrees don’t talk about because it doesn’t require as much study to acquire. And that doesn’t really make it a degree, right?

Just because higher level degrees take more study to obtain, that does not mean that the more one studies the higher the degree you have.

For instance, my son is addicted to the My Sims wii game. He can tell you every character and when they’re likely to appear in the game. He knows where every essence is and which characters will ask you for them. He knows the personality types associated with every character and every essence, and even which personality types each character doesn’t like. He can even mime the actions the characters make to a tee.

My child is an expert in the field of the My Sims game. He does not have a degree, but what he doesn’t have in letters he has more than made up for in hours staring at the television set, wiimote and nunchuck in hand, ignoring his chores in pursuit of mastering that which has piqued his interest to obsession.

It would be admirable if there weren’t still a giant pile of dirty clothes on his bedroom floor.

The point is, anyone can be an expert, and you don’t need a degree to be one. If my seven year old can do it, you can do it. In fact, it’s possible you are already in expert at something. What have you spent hours of time obsessing over? Video games? Scrap booking? Movies? Maybe you spent enough time obsessing over it that you decided to pay an institution enough money to give you a degree stating that you spent time obsessing over it.

If you did, I will admit to being jealous over it.

Truth is my obsession. I have looked at the concept of truth from a variety of angles. I have studied philosophy, meditated, prayed, analyzed, and blogged. I have gone through therapy, talked to gurus, and taken classes.

I am not an expert. Unlike my son, I cannot tell you about all the nuances of truth or where to find honesty. Truth is not so easily defined. How does one define a concept? When you tell someone you love them, does it mean the same thing to both people? If I say I want justice, will you and I agree to some measurement of how much? Is there a tangible element to freedom that is universal?

Dear Reader.
What is your obsession? What are you an expert in? What is the excuse for the pile of dirty clothes in the middle of your bedroom floor?

07
May
08

Beauty and the Beast

Today, Dan and I went to a student art showing… we were there to support a friend doing photography. There was one of her pictures that one of the big hot shot photographers had pointed out to her… the subject of this picture was me.

That’s right, bitches. I’m art.

It was a portrait with a word of inspiration, and the given word was “old.” I had a couple of older style costumes laying around (imagine that), so we went for one of those olde-tyme pictures with the kinda sullen, not smiley face. My part was easy. I sat there. My friend did some amazing things with lighting and fading/aging stuff. I look OLD, dude.

My friend’s gots skillz, yo!

Today I had a conversation with a friend. I want to post part of it here:
Beauty is what we value. For me, truth is beauty, courage is beauty, kindness is beauty, play is beauty, people are beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so we define what we value. If it has no value, it does not hurt when that loss happens. If it doesn’t hurt, you did not truly find beauty in it.

Dear readers,
What do you value? what do you find beautiful? are they the same for you, or do you have a different definition? Talk to me about beauty.

Now playing: London Festival OrchestraThe Skater’s Waltz




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